The gift that keeps on giving (this one's for you, shanaynay!)

TV + Channukah= instant classic. (Look at me doing math!! I'm really smart!!) Photo from tvguide.com

How are you, my loyal, incredibly attractive and charming followers? It's been awhile, and once again, I am completely at fault. However, as I always say, don't hate the player, hate the game. The aforementioned game being the game of LIFE. But I shouldn't be encouraging you to hate life I really am a horrible influence I apologize.

Moving on.

In case you are a hermit who has been living in a cave for the past thirty years and only this second have decided to give up your secluded lifestyle and connect to the interweb (and inexplicably you chose to look at my blog... I'm quite flattered, honestly) it is currently CHANNUKAH, and, for my non-Jewish friends, holiday season in general, and this has gotten me thinking about the theme of this evening's blog, GIFTS.

Who doesn't love gifts? And who doesn't love TV? Therefore, I shall make an incredibly logical conclusion that is supported by the laws of both mathematics and grammar (my two fave things besides open heart surgery sans anesthesia): TV is a gift!!! A gift that keeps on giving!! And giving and giving and giving!!

Television is quite honestly the greatest gift ever ever ever. For one, it gives you something to talk about at ALL TIMES with ANYONE. Exhibit a: I have talked about Modern Family with not one but BOTH sets of grandparents, people at school, neighborhood postal employees, etc etc. Exhibit b: my sister's go to icebreaker when meeting new people is discussing 16 and Pregnant. She is able to sustain conversations on that subject lasting for a good 20 minutes. (Just on a side note, that show has managed to find and showcase the most unattractive and incompetent individuals in the continental United States. Which is quite an accomplishment, in my humble opinion.)

Also, TV is the ultimate cure-all for loneliness, boredom and sadness in general. TV always makes me feel better. Like drugs or doing nice things for other people, but without the risk of getting shot at or having to move. Just the other night, I was sitting alone, watching the most recent episodes of 30 Rock, and I was having THE BEST TIME. I was just eating my Honey Puffs and laughing out loud to myself! A night to remember!

Alright, I'll leave you all with that little tidbit of embarrassment. Have a super splendid holiday season, and if no one remembers  to get you a gift, zee boob tube is always there. Unless, of course, you're the aforementioned hermit, in which case there's not a lot I can do for you. I'm only human.

Heavens to Betsy! I haven't blogged in un while

The original Dumbo. Also, hands down the best ride at Disneyland NAT. Photo from color-page.info.

My dear sweet readers, I have failed all four of you. By allowing myself to be distracted by far less important things like homework, college applications, cross country and heroin (15 points if you guess which one's a lie!!!) I have had no time to watch TV and therefore have neglected this blog and, by association, you. For this offense, I am deeply, truly sorry.

Please accept this post as an apology, a token of my affection and the potential Pullitzer Prize-winning work that it is. (35 points if you guess which one's a lie!!!) Senior year should not equal the end of this blog (only the end of my sanity HAHAHAHHAHAHA).

Sooooooo my Homecoming formal was last night, and as I was about to go to my friend's house so she could put makeup on me because I am incompetent at being a girl, my ever-eloquent father gave me these heart-warming words of wisdom: "Be the prettiest girl there!"

Now, besides being a bizarre half compliment-half threat, that statement was inherently, well, dumb. But you know what, dear old dad? That's okay! Because people say dumb stuff on TV all the time, and that's what makes TV so utterly fantastic!

Think about it. What would Jersey Shore be without people saying dumb things? I'll tell you what it would be! Orange CSPAN! And who's everyone's favorite character on Glee? Britney S. Pierce! Why, you ask? Not because of her prolonged internal struggle trying to choose between Cheerios and Glee Club or the unexpected insight she gives us into the human psyche, that's for sure. It's because she's DUMB.

Admittedly, there are some dumb things that people say on TV that we could be better off without, ie "Congratulations, Gretchen, you are the winner of Project Runway", but for the most part, when it comes to entertaining programming, the dumber, the better. So good call, Daddy!

So, loyal fans, I hope you will forgive me, just like I have forgiven you for not existing. Everything I do I do for you.

Lolz i should be doing college apps right now....



Boyfraaannnddd. Is that a fanny pack I see??!!?? Photo from denveralamode.com



Aloooo chums!!!! I am sososososososoo sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I know you were like TOTES FREAKING OUT, rioting in the streets, lighting cars on fire, etc etc, which is completely understandable. Blame it on senior year, which, in case you were wondering, is not exactly a giant ball of fun.

But chins up! We have TV to talk about!

Before I begin, however, I will introduce the theme of tonight's blog. A dear dear friend requested that it be WTF (you can figure out what that stands for yourselves.... this is a family blog. And by family blog I mean that approximately fifty percent of my "followers" are related to me... and not out of their own free will.)

So here we go! WTF time!



First, WTF is up with that freaky stalker girl on Gossip Girl?? I swear, when I saw her wall with all those pictures and strings and stuff, my brain automatically went into full-blown 24 mode. Because having one of those walls and an accent are like the two basic course requirements for Terrorism 101. I half expected Jack Bauer to come crashing through the window and throw her up against a wall and be like, "LEAVE. SERENA. ALONE."

Moving on, WTF??? Why is Mondo from Project Runway the cutest thing to grace my TV screen since Jim and Pam got married?? My favorite moment was when he dressed up as that weird mime/tap dancer. Every time he wins a competition I want to bake a cake. But then I remember that I can't bake so I just watch more TV instead.

Lastly, WTF Liz Lemmon? I don't understand why she doesn't marry Pilot Carol on the spot. Besides the fact that he is the closest thing to an astronaut she's ever going to get, he also is (a) Matt Damon (b) her soul mate and (c) Matt Damon. GET IT TOGTHER, LEMMON.



So this was a good distraction from all the homework/college-related activities I should be doing right now, and I hope it is for you too. Who cares if we don't have futures? There's always TV.



Au revoir, summer! Bonjour, fall premieres!

Zee dream team. Photo from thetvaddict.com

Well, hello, children. It is with a heavy heart that I post this blog, since tonight is officially my last night of freedom before I start the undeniable fun fest that is senior year.

However, fear not! There is one thing that is getting me through these tough times. And it starts with a T and ends with a V! Because you know what fall means?? Besides a super successful cross country season (LAWLZ)?? It means fall TV!!! Huzzah!!!

So, if you are like me and are suffering from a case of the ol' back to school blues, please take a moment from your last minute summer reading/spark notes skimming and read this brief list of what awaits you in the coming weeks. You'll feel better in no time!

1. Gossip Girl!!! Tomorrow night!!! I really sincerely truly hope that Chuck isn't dead. That would really be the worst. What would not be the worst, however, is if Jenny was hit by a truck. But let's not get too crazy here.

2. NBC Thursdays!!! I heart all those shows. For those of you who have yet to leave your Office bubbles and branch out to the other comedy shows, make a Rosh Hashana resolution to do so. Community, 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation are the bee's knees. Take it from someone who has a lot of bee experience. (please just do yourselves a favor and ignore me when I make no sense)

3. Glee!!! Next week!!! Plus, there's a Britney Spears episode on the horizon. Prediction: my TV will explode.

4. Boardwalk Empire. Except I don't have HBO. (It's my mom's fave joke..... "We're too poor!")
But that show seems sosososososo awesome. So maybe I can sell an organ or something to pay for premium cable.

So, smile, fellow TV lovers! All is not lost! Summer may be over, but the golden age of the boob tube is just beginning. Happy watching!

Emmy time!

You go Sue Sylvester!! Photo from in.reuters.com

I figured since everything I write about in this humble publication is related to television, I had a sort of obligation to watch the Emmys last night, so watch the Emmys I did. I had some trouble focusing because the entire time my sister kept asking where Macie from 16 and Pregnant was, but here are some thoughts...

1. Did anyone else notice that the guy who played Charles Logan in 24 was nominated for an Emmy? Who would nominate him for any award besides Most Annoying Television Character of All Time? I was in shock AND awe. But I was also secretly a little bit proud because I lurrvee it whenever 24 gets any form of recognition.

2. Speaking of 24 receiving recognition, I think the Emmys MAJORLY dropped the ball on that one. Where was the lengthy, heart wrenching 24 montage? Where was the giant cake cut in the shape of Jack Bauer? They could have at least done a little terrorist scare during the awards ceremony, just to give the audience a sense of what they had lost. The only possible explanation for this negligence is that they are waiting for the movie to come out, after which they'd better pull out ALL THE STOPS.

3. Wooohooo Modern Family!!!! That show rocks my socks. Also wooohooo Top Chef!! And Kyra Sedgwick!!! And Jane Lynch!!! And Glee in general!!! If I had been there (and I still am SOSOSO confused about why I wasn't invited...) I most definitely would have stood up with the foam finger I would have smuggled in and cheered when those shows slash people won. But oh well, we can't change the past. Or, maybe according to Lost, we can, but I don't watch Lost, and now it's over anyway, so I guess I'll never know.

4. Lastly, I <3 Ricky Gervais. Why is it that British people have the comedy leg up on everyone else just because they are British? It's kind of unfair, when you think about it. But I don't really think about it, or anything else really, so it's fine.

lalalalalalalalallala REALITY TV MADNESS

First and foremost..... JERSEY SHORE.

ANY JAIL WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE HER. Photo from tv.spreadit.org

Why oh why can't I have my own personal Snookster??? She is honestly the most fabulous human being on the planet. Emilio, whoever you are, you have missed out on a real gem. A GEM I TELL YOU. Anyone who wears glasses COMPLETELY ENCRUSTED WITH CRYSTALS is bonafide marriage material.

Ps. the J-wow/Snooki BFF duo is fantastic. I can totes picture them both when they're 80, shopping in transvestite sex shops and punching people for no reason. They're fabulous.

Pss. The quick thinking and decisiveness displayed by the men of the house in tonight's episode when they managed to isolate the "hippopotamus" (who WOULDN'T want to be called that on national television?) showed the makings of great world leaders. Perhaps THEY should tackle the budget deficit....

Moving on... Project Runway time!!! I really do wuv that show. As does my father. His not-so-secret-anymore dream is to become a judge on it. He practices all the time... like when my mom buys something he'll go, "But what makes me love it? What kicks it up a notch?" etc etc.

Tonight's episode made me want to throw Gretchen off a building. That girl needs to know when to zip the lip. When Tim came in at the end and started yelling at her teammates for letting her manipulate them, I was so pumped!! I was like "Yeah Tim! You go girl!!"

Anyhoosies I'm super tired but I wanted  to write about this while it was still fresh. I will leave you with the word of the day per the designation of my idol, Shnooks, "sympathetic." You're right, Snooki! It IS a big word!

Things I hate...

If you ever see me wearing a sweater like this, pregnant or not, please remove my head with a machete. Photo from sugarslam.com

Although television is undeniably fantastic, it is also imperfect. It kills me to say it, but it's true. Here are some things on TV that make me go KOOKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.

1. Shows that go nowhere. For example, Secret Life of the American Teenager. That show makes me feel like I'm running in slow motion. NOTHING HAPPENS. And, to distract us from how stupid the show is, they just keep making people pregnant. That's the only trick they've got up their sleeve. Literally the entire cast has been, is or will be preggers. Who's next? One of the babies?

Another example: Rubicon. I don't know, my parents watch it, okay? Well, nothing happens in that show either. I still don't know what it's about. People literally just stand there staring off into space for thirty seconds, and then they go get a cup of coffee or something and stare off into space some more. The whole concept just really makes me feel like exploding.

2. Real Housewives of Anywhere. Tell me this: have you ever met a fake housewife? I didn't think so.

3. Pretty Little Liars. Maybe I'm not entitled to make such a definitive statement because I've only watched one episode of this show, but let me tell you, that was one of the most stressful hours of my life. I could literally feel my premature gray hair growing. That one episode gave me waaaayyy too much anxiety.

But enough bad things for one night! No one likes a Negative Nelly.

LOVE

A great American marriage. Photo from trivia.se.

Allrightyyyyy, this is my last recycled blog from the cherubs contest, due to the fact that it coincides with my last day in Hawaii (insert hysterical sobbing here). This has been a splendid vacation, and I will carry with me always the super attractive souvenier of a large peeling sunburn (on the bright side, it gained me mucho popularity points with the reptilian population of this great island.) And now I must pack or face the wrath of my darling mother, but before I do I will leave you with this post. The theme was I believe in...

I believe in love.


I don’t always, though. Lately I’ve been losing faith a little bit… it seems like getting divorced is the hottest trend nowadays.

However, whenever I find myself in this dark, loveless funk, all I have to do is turn my attention to that holy instrument, the boob tube, and I see the light once more.

Television is completely saturated with love stories. Fox boasts TV’s ultimate power couple, one of the oldest and strongest testaments to the power of love: Marge and Homer. Think about it, people. They’ve been through it all together. Homer keeps on sustaining an almost inhuman level of obesity and Marge’s hair contains more scaffolding than the inside of a skyscraper, but they stay strong. They don’t even let the fact that their children have some strange disease that prevents them from aging get them down.

There’s Spongebob and Patrick, Tim Gunn and clothes, Kel and orange soda, Jim and Pam, Snooki and spray tans, Liz Lemmon and Astronaut Mike Dexter, Helga and Arnold, all strong relationships, all on television, all proof that love is something to be believed in.

And it doesn’t stop there. The love Jack Bauer shows for America is so intense I’m surprised the US government hasn’t filed a restraining order. Jack Bauer has watched his daughter get kidnapped 9 zillion times for his country, Jack Bauer has become a heroin addict for his country, Jack Bauer has BITTEN A MAN TO DEATH for his country. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

I know it’s all scripted. I know that love is hard and rare and not all marriages work out. But I also know that it’s real, behind a screen or not. Believe me.

Inspiration

My daily inspiration. Photo from simonsfamily.net.

Due to the fact that I am currently (and blissfully) doing absolutely nothing productive whatsoever on the beautiful island of Hawaii, my television viewing has been less diligent than usual, so I will save my commentary on summer television for my (less blissful) return. To tide you (whoever you lucky souls may be) over until then, I will provide another blog composed during my stay at Northwestern. This one's theme was Inspiration, and it was written at an hour in which the brain ceases to function properly and insanity has free reign, so please take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a shot of vodka (whichever you prefer) and try to put yourself in that mindset in which everything is absolutely HILARIOUS.

It is currently 3:09 in the morning and I could be sleeping or talking or eating cheese fondue or getting my eyebrows threaded but I am not doing any of those things. Do you want to know why, my dear little cherubs? It is because of you. Everything I do I do for you. This blog is for you.


Because this is a television blog, and because I really have nothing else to contribute to the universe, I’m going to share with you a list of TV stuff that inspires me. Get excited.

iCarly inspires me. That girl has to wake up every morning knowing she’s iCarly. Also, here I am worrying about writing a blog once a week when she has to worry about producing a whole web show! Wow! What an American hero!

Full House inspires me. All I can say is that is one full house. And they all cope with it surprisingly well.

16 and Pregnant inspires me. It inspires me to not watch 16 and Pregnant.

America’s Funniest Home Videos inspires me. It inspires me to become a sadist.

The Biggest Loser inspires me. It makes me want to gain a lot of weight and then lose most of it and then gain a lot of it back later and just take everyone who loves me on an emotional roller coaster ride throughout the whole process.

The Wild Thornberrys inspires me. It helped me come to terms with my ability to speak to animals.

But all of these shows, as inspiring as they are, can’t come close to you guys. Thank you for sharing your awesomeness with me this past month. And I’m not just saying that because I want you guys to vote for me. I’m saying that so my parents think I have friends on the last day.

Allooooo blog world!!!!

Okay. Here goes.

My name is Erica Hendry and I am an unashamed consumer of that great modern household fixture: the boob tube. I have created this blog to share my thoughts and random musings about the unsung art form, television, and to prove to myself that there is a sliver of a possibility in this lovely universe that I might just have a future as a writer.

I was inspired to start posting by my incredible summer at Northwestern University's Cherubs program and the blog contest I competed in there (I got second place! How awesome! Although Ricky Bobby's father would not agree. After all, if you're not first, you're last.) Here is my first blog post from that contest. The theme was Chance.

Other high school students get stressed out about how much homework they have to do every night. I’m different. I get stressed out about how many TV shows I have backlogged on my Tivo.


Maybe that makes me unmotivated, maybe that makes me uninteresting, maybe that makes me a brain dead couch potato with a questionable work ethic and even more questionable taste levels. It depends on who you ask. But the one thing it does make me for sure is a girl who firmly believes that for all you “cultured” naysayers out there, TV deserves a CHANCE.

TV is educational. How else would we know about the mysterious tribe of orange people that populates the New Jersey coastline? And I think I’m not alone when I say that the main source of my current events is the Colbert Report.

TV is emotional. Whenever I feel sad, all I have to do is play the Youtube clip of Susan Boyle singing that song from Le Miz, and I can barely contain my tears of joy. And no one can say that when they saw Chuck lying there on the Prague pavement, engagement ring in hand, they didn’t feel a little lump in their throats.

I’ve always wanted to start a blog about television, and Cherubs is finally giving me the motivation to do so. Over the course of these coming weeks, I will treat you all (whether you like it or not) to a selection of my favorite shows, my least favorite shows, and to my unconditional and eternal love for that god among men, Jack Bauer.

It may not be the best blog, or the funniest blog, but it will be my blog. And I think I deserve a chance, don’t you?