it's only been 365 days since i last posted, but who's counting? counting is for losers.

Don't be sad, Ben! Some day you may have a ridiculous reality show of your very own!! Photo from tv.yahoo.com

Salutations, older, wiser friends!

It is the sad, sad, MUY sad truth that I have not graced this universe with a blog posting in ONE WHOLE YEAR, and I have approximately 0.0 excuses. Except perhaps that I am now a super incredibly busy and did I perhaps mention INTELLIGENT college student, but that is neither here nor there. Nor anywhere else.

Well, happy 2012, you fine bred folks. My new year's resolution is to floss, what's yours?

I suppose I should bring this back to TV now, because that is the supposed premise of this here well-regarded publication, and god forbid I stray from the premise. So put on your protective eyewear, kids, it's time to get philosophical, Boob Tube style!

I am not in any way, shape or form ashamed to admit that tonight, I joined together with millions of other Americans in watching love in its purist form. And no, I am not referring to porn, you sick twisted perverts, I am referring to that bastion of all things real and natural, The Bachelor. For those of you who have some vestige of dignity left and do not watch the above mentioned reality(ish) programme, this season's hot tamale is Ben somethingorotherhemightbeJewish, a reject from last summer's season of Le Bachelorette. The poor fool proposed on national television, and all he got in return was the classic "You're really interesting!" But now he's back, ready for love, and apparently, over it.

Part of me couldn't believe it. How could he get down on one knee, get emotionally kicked straight in los gonados, and then get up and decide to give it another go? How can Jack Bauer spend several years in a Chinese prison being brutally tortured, and then come back and all he needs is a nice shave and he's a-okay? How can people just forgive and forget? How can they let go so easily?

But another part of me understands. Because sometimes all we need is a fresh start, another chance. And we need our past mistakes to act as a reminder, to tell us DO NOT DO THIS OR YOU WILL END UP HEARTBROKEN ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND/OR IN A CHINESE PRISON WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM. Ben gets it, Jack gets it, I'm starting to get it. 

The past is always with us, whether in the form of memories or re-runs. We can't hide from it, but we can learn from it. And trust me, I know all about learning. Did I mention that I'm a COLLEGE STUDENT now??

VVL, it's 2011!!!

My new year's resolution: to acquire those pajamas. Photo from justjared.buzznet.com.

Sup sup suppity!

School sucks, doesn't it? Like sort of a lot. Like call the Geneva Convention, am I right? Like totez! But let's not get too down in the dumps, my friends, it's a total turn-off.

Surprisingly, I didn't watch that much television over break, unlike my sister, who saw, among other things, True Life I'm Addicted to Eating, I Have Acne, My Foot Is Pregnant and My Mom Is Part Sheep. So, because of this anomaly, instead of talking about specific television shows, I'm going to talk about that totally cliched and otherwise obnoxious topic that everyone seems to bring up around this time of year: new year's resolutions! You are sOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooo welcome!

The thing about resolutions is, it's hard to find the right one. I mean, unless of course you just so happened to be the star of one of the aforementioned True Life episodes, in which case you would have it pretty easy, because you would just resolve to stop eating/go on accutane/tell your other foot to learn from your first foot's mistakes/give your mother the counseling and shearing she so truly needs. But other than that....

I mean, it can't be something crazy. It has to be within reach. Por ejemplo, if Jack Bauer (just saying that holy name brings a single tear to mine eye) suddenly made a resolution to stop brutally/unnecessarily mutilating people for absolutely zero reason, he would be Santa! Or Mr. Rogers! Not happening! Or like if Snooki (more tears, this is becoming an emotional evening) just up and decided to  quit pickles for good, the earth would be thrown off its axis. I DON'T THINK SO.

But then again, your resolution can't be too easy. It can't be like mine was last year, when I resolved to finally remove the old couscous from my locker, where it had been sitting for like two months. It has to be a little bit of a challenge. (To be fair, though, that was quite a frightening experience when I eventually got around to it.)

So this is my advice to you, dear readers, whoever you may be (there's this handy thing on Blogspot that lets you see where the people viewing your blog are, and someone most def accidentally saw this blog in Russia! Привет!): push yourself. Do something you never thought you could do. Put yourself out there. Because even if you fall flat on your face, which you most likely will and I most definitely have, isn't life, like television, more entertaining as a comedy anyway? That's what I think.

So just do whatever, it doesn't really matter, as long as at the end of the day you've got a smile on your face. Because real life doesn't have a laugh track. It's all up to you.

The gift that keeps on giving (this one's for you, shanaynay!)

TV + Channukah= instant classic. (Look at me doing math!! I'm really smart!!) Photo from tvguide.com

How are you, my loyal, incredibly attractive and charming followers? It's been awhile, and once again, I am completely at fault. However, as I always say, don't hate the player, hate the game. The aforementioned game being the game of LIFE. But I shouldn't be encouraging you to hate life I really am a horrible influence I apologize.

Moving on.

In case you are a hermit who has been living in a cave for the past thirty years and only this second have decided to give up your secluded lifestyle and connect to the interweb (and inexplicably you chose to look at my blog... I'm quite flattered, honestly) it is currently CHANNUKAH, and, for my non-Jewish friends, holiday season in general, and this has gotten me thinking about the theme of this evening's blog, GIFTS.

Who doesn't love gifts? And who doesn't love TV? Therefore, I shall make an incredibly logical conclusion that is supported by the laws of both mathematics and grammar (my two fave things besides open heart surgery sans anesthesia): TV is a gift!!! A gift that keeps on giving!! And giving and giving and giving!!

Television is quite honestly the greatest gift ever ever ever. For one, it gives you something to talk about at ALL TIMES with ANYONE. Exhibit a: I have talked about Modern Family with not one but BOTH sets of grandparents, people at school, neighborhood postal employees, etc etc. Exhibit b: my sister's go to icebreaker when meeting new people is discussing 16 and Pregnant. She is able to sustain conversations on that subject lasting for a good 20 minutes. (Just on a side note, that show has managed to find and showcase the most unattractive and incompetent individuals in the continental United States. Which is quite an accomplishment, in my humble opinion.)

Also, TV is the ultimate cure-all for loneliness, boredom and sadness in general. TV always makes me feel better. Like drugs or doing nice things for other people, but without the risk of getting shot at or having to move. Just the other night, I was sitting alone, watching the most recent episodes of 30 Rock, and I was having THE BEST TIME. I was just eating my Honey Puffs and laughing out loud to myself! A night to remember!

Alright, I'll leave you all with that little tidbit of embarrassment. Have a super splendid holiday season, and if no one remembers  to get you a gift, zee boob tube is always there. Unless, of course, you're the aforementioned hermit, in which case there's not a lot I can do for you. I'm only human.

Heavens to Betsy! I haven't blogged in un while

The original Dumbo. Also, hands down the best ride at Disneyland NAT. Photo from color-page.info.

My dear sweet readers, I have failed all four of you. By allowing myself to be distracted by far less important things like homework, college applications, cross country and heroin (15 points if you guess which one's a lie!!!) I have had no time to watch TV and therefore have neglected this blog and, by association, you. For this offense, I am deeply, truly sorry.

Please accept this post as an apology, a token of my affection and the potential Pullitzer Prize-winning work that it is. (35 points if you guess which one's a lie!!!) Senior year should not equal the end of this blog (only the end of my sanity HAHAHAHHAHAHA).

Sooooooo my Homecoming formal was last night, and as I was about to go to my friend's house so she could put makeup on me because I am incompetent at being a girl, my ever-eloquent father gave me these heart-warming words of wisdom: "Be the prettiest girl there!"

Now, besides being a bizarre half compliment-half threat, that statement was inherently, well, dumb. But you know what, dear old dad? That's okay! Because people say dumb stuff on TV all the time, and that's what makes TV so utterly fantastic!

Think about it. What would Jersey Shore be without people saying dumb things? I'll tell you what it would be! Orange CSPAN! And who's everyone's favorite character on Glee? Britney S. Pierce! Why, you ask? Not because of her prolonged internal struggle trying to choose between Cheerios and Glee Club or the unexpected insight she gives us into the human psyche, that's for sure. It's because she's DUMB.

Admittedly, there are some dumb things that people say on TV that we could be better off without, ie "Congratulations, Gretchen, you are the winner of Project Runway", but for the most part, when it comes to entertaining programming, the dumber, the better. So good call, Daddy!

So, loyal fans, I hope you will forgive me, just like I have forgiven you for not existing. Everything I do I do for you.

Lolz i should be doing college apps right now....



Boyfraaannnddd. Is that a fanny pack I see??!!?? Photo from denveralamode.com



Aloooo chums!!!! I am sososososososoo sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I know you were like TOTES FREAKING OUT, rioting in the streets, lighting cars on fire, etc etc, which is completely understandable. Blame it on senior year, which, in case you were wondering, is not exactly a giant ball of fun.

But chins up! We have TV to talk about!

Before I begin, however, I will introduce the theme of tonight's blog. A dear dear friend requested that it be WTF (you can figure out what that stands for yourselves.... this is a family blog. And by family blog I mean that approximately fifty percent of my "followers" are related to me... and not out of their own free will.)

So here we go! WTF time!



First, WTF is up with that freaky stalker girl on Gossip Girl?? I swear, when I saw her wall with all those pictures and strings and stuff, my brain automatically went into full-blown 24 mode. Because having one of those walls and an accent are like the two basic course requirements for Terrorism 101. I half expected Jack Bauer to come crashing through the window and throw her up against a wall and be like, "LEAVE. SERENA. ALONE."

Moving on, WTF??? Why is Mondo from Project Runway the cutest thing to grace my TV screen since Jim and Pam got married?? My favorite moment was when he dressed up as that weird mime/tap dancer. Every time he wins a competition I want to bake a cake. But then I remember that I can't bake so I just watch more TV instead.

Lastly, WTF Liz Lemmon? I don't understand why she doesn't marry Pilot Carol on the spot. Besides the fact that he is the closest thing to an astronaut she's ever going to get, he also is (a) Matt Damon (b) her soul mate and (c) Matt Damon. GET IT TOGTHER, LEMMON.



So this was a good distraction from all the homework/college-related activities I should be doing right now, and I hope it is for you too. Who cares if we don't have futures? There's always TV.



Au revoir, summer! Bonjour, fall premieres!

Zee dream team. Photo from thetvaddict.com

Well, hello, children. It is with a heavy heart that I post this blog, since tonight is officially my last night of freedom before I start the undeniable fun fest that is senior year.

However, fear not! There is one thing that is getting me through these tough times. And it starts with a T and ends with a V! Because you know what fall means?? Besides a super successful cross country season (LAWLZ)?? It means fall TV!!! Huzzah!!!

So, if you are like me and are suffering from a case of the ol' back to school blues, please take a moment from your last minute summer reading/spark notes skimming and read this brief list of what awaits you in the coming weeks. You'll feel better in no time!

1. Gossip Girl!!! Tomorrow night!!! I really sincerely truly hope that Chuck isn't dead. That would really be the worst. What would not be the worst, however, is if Jenny was hit by a truck. But let's not get too crazy here.

2. NBC Thursdays!!! I heart all those shows. For those of you who have yet to leave your Office bubbles and branch out to the other comedy shows, make a Rosh Hashana resolution to do so. Community, 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation are the bee's knees. Take it from someone who has a lot of bee experience. (please just do yourselves a favor and ignore me when I make no sense)

3. Glee!!! Next week!!! Plus, there's a Britney Spears episode on the horizon. Prediction: my TV will explode.

4. Boardwalk Empire. Except I don't have HBO. (It's my mom's fave joke..... "We're too poor!")
But that show seems sosososososo awesome. So maybe I can sell an organ or something to pay for premium cable.

So, smile, fellow TV lovers! All is not lost! Summer may be over, but the golden age of the boob tube is just beginning. Happy watching!

Emmy time!

You go Sue Sylvester!! Photo from in.reuters.com

I figured since everything I write about in this humble publication is related to television, I had a sort of obligation to watch the Emmys last night, so watch the Emmys I did. I had some trouble focusing because the entire time my sister kept asking where Macie from 16 and Pregnant was, but here are some thoughts...

1. Did anyone else notice that the guy who played Charles Logan in 24 was nominated for an Emmy? Who would nominate him for any award besides Most Annoying Television Character of All Time? I was in shock AND awe. But I was also secretly a little bit proud because I lurrvee it whenever 24 gets any form of recognition.

2. Speaking of 24 receiving recognition, I think the Emmys MAJORLY dropped the ball on that one. Where was the lengthy, heart wrenching 24 montage? Where was the giant cake cut in the shape of Jack Bauer? They could have at least done a little terrorist scare during the awards ceremony, just to give the audience a sense of what they had lost. The only possible explanation for this negligence is that they are waiting for the movie to come out, after which they'd better pull out ALL THE STOPS.

3. Wooohooo Modern Family!!!! That show rocks my socks. Also wooohooo Top Chef!! And Kyra Sedgwick!!! And Jane Lynch!!! And Glee in general!!! If I had been there (and I still am SOSOSO confused about why I wasn't invited...) I most definitely would have stood up with the foam finger I would have smuggled in and cheered when those shows slash people won. But oh well, we can't change the past. Or, maybe according to Lost, we can, but I don't watch Lost, and now it's over anyway, so I guess I'll never know.

4. Lastly, I <3 Ricky Gervais. Why is it that British people have the comedy leg up on everyone else just because they are British? It's kind of unfair, when you think about it. But I don't really think about it, or anything else really, so it's fine.